Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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