Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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