She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
