Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
