I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
