Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
