You just made me feel so damn special
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
