you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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