No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
