She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
