if you like me you must not know who I am
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
