Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
