We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
