I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
