So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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