We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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