I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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