OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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