So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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