By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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