ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You are the jesus of drinking
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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