My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
