ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
