If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
