I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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