Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
