it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
