i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
