I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
