next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
