Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
