I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
