Tell her she can't have a vagina
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
