Kiss
Puke
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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