don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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