I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
