Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
