All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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