fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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