therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
