A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
