he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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