I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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