You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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