The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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