you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
