I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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