i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
