dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
