just survived the first fart of the relationship.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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