Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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