I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
pop tarts are not kleenex
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
